Confusion

I feel like a woman split in half. One half of me is quiet and peaceful and happy. The other half is angry and tense and depressed. The latter part seems stronger. It fights and fights and fights the calm until it wins, stomping its feet and grimacing. I feel like a victim of these two parts, always fighting with myself. I don't want to struggle anymore. I want to surrender to the place within me that is beyond the tug-of-war. I want to surrender to the quiet, Buddha Light at my center. The place that is empty and open and free of all this struggle. I am exhausted and I am confused. I feel like the closer I get to understanding the Truth, the more difficult the struggle becomes. My ego fights with incredible force.